Updated: Aug 23, 2021
Often times, we hold onto this ideal in mind that once we find that special person then our lives will be complete. Finding a compatible match can certainly add love and meaning to your life, but there is so much more to that. That famous saying or rather cliché of "you complete me" is an overidealized idea that we need someone in our lives to complete us, or to make us whole. Without them we are incomplete or broken people, and so the quest begins to find that person. In fact, we need to feel whole within ourselves in order to be healthy in a relationship. Those early programming messages that girls and boys get about romantic love can be very misleading indeed. It can leave us deeply unhappy in a relationship, and wondering why our spouse is not filling our needs.
Healthy people do not need others to make them feel loved, rather they have enough self love or self worth within themselves, that a companion partner is just an addition to their lives. So why do we often feel empty within ourselves, and why do we need the love of another person to validate us? Perhaps, this may have to do with issue of self esteem and self worth. Perhaps this may stem from a deep wound from our childhood, or a result of some trauma.
Some people may struggle with feelings of being alone or needing to have company in their lives at all times. Some people may fall into addictions such as sex addiction, telling themselves that it is because they need love in their lives. Such feelings can be exhilaration but also short lived and can leave us feeling empty.
Yes, that is true, everyone looks for love and we need love in our lives. As social beings, we need to feel loved and nurtured, however, if we are not able to feel self love for ourselves first, it is a big task to ask someone else to fill that for us. Other people may add to our lives, but at the end of the day, we need to be have that compassion within ourselves that makes us okay, even when we are not around others. This is something that people work on all their lives to achieve.
Do you ever notice that it is until you feel completely okay within yourself and are enjoying your own company, that suddenly that special someone happens to walk into your life? This happens because you have reached that level of acceptance for yourself and you radiate self love. You have worked on yourself and actually like your own company, and you radiate happiness. That is appealing to others, and it a sign that you are healthy within yourself. It is by beginning to work on ourselves and fostering love within us, that we become open to receiving love. Learn to foster feelings of deep love and compassion within yourself and see how your romantic life improves!